Wish for Me
by CrypticSunrise
Summary: The exclusion of hope. It is Severus cross to bear. In the face of all that he did not deserve, acceptance, love, understanding, the darkness welcomes Snape. ONE-SHOT Please Review.


Disclaimer: All rights to JKR.

Darkness swirled and mingled in Severus' cloak as he swept out of his dungeon. It caressed the shadows under his cheeks and the crook of his neck.

The pale skin pulled tight over bone and sinew was viscous as if the buttery streaks of moonlight had no foothold and instead slid away to gather in the dark pools of his eyes. Giving them an iridescent glow.

Darkness belonged to the night. And Severus belonged to the shadows.

Weary, now that he was surrounded by students in the main corridors leading to the great hall, he held his head aloof, eyes contemptuous. The throng of students parted as he swept by in his shadowy cloak. Conversation as always abruptly ceased, warmth drained away, laughter halted, smiles grimacing in fear and dislike.

Only to come back to life once he had passed by.

Severus did not even bother to hide the pain that dilated his pupils and flushed his cheekbones with dark color. No one ever looked, always faces turned away, eyes averted as if to gain as little of his notice as possible but at the same time cutting him out.

Out of the light that surrounded all others, the warmth that leapt from the magically lit torches ensconced in small alcoves to wrap and twine around their conversation.

Severus had in the stark depressing lights of morning often wondered if it was this that had driven him to Voldemort. A desperate flight of hope by his damned soul to find a place to belong.

He knew it was not so. In the end the true reason had been power, superiority and beyond all that an obsessive and uncontrollable need for knowledge.

Severus continued walking. Damn Dumbledore for allowing him a chance at redemption. Damn him for asking him to teach at Hogwarts. Damn him for trying to integrate him back into society. Damn him for caring.

Severus stopped short.

Three pairs of eyes stared brashly at him. Brown, blue and green. Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter.

The Golden Trio.

Severus had been particular witness to the growth of the three friends from children into the infallible years of teenagers and then finally to the cusp of adulthood. Eyes that had had to look up now gazed at him on level ground.

It was these three that had first brought that innate sense of loneliness into his life of schedules and work for the Order. Their impenetrable circle of love, trust and loyalty was reminiscent of another group Severus had known and stood outside of.

But they were different.

Here was a bond so strong that blood and ties become insignificant in the face of utter and complete understanding and comprehension. The light always shone stronger around them. Unlike the other group they did not seek popularity. But over the years the student body had unknowingly turned to them seeking leadership and welcome in the harsh and unfamiliar times.

It was not only students but teachers as well. Seeing the trio brought smiles and ... hope. That singular fickle emotion that went as abruptly as it arrived pulled by the tide of the growing darkness. For them that such a thing as unconditional friendship especially between the very three that the darkest of matters swirled around was a tale unheard of.

To Severus it stood for all things that he did not deserve.

Did not have a chance at deserving.

He had fought against the loneliness that threatened to engulf him. He had made them targets of his scorn, had directed his contempt and anger at them. They had not been flawless. They had hated him.

But Severus had been irked. There was something that had continually frustrated him. They were not like the others. They did not even give him that small measure of comfort that they feared him. Children they were but their conversation and laughter had not ceased in his presence. Their very dismissal of him as a force in their lives had hurt him more than he admitted to himself.

Hermione with intelligence to rival his own had continued showing amazing resilience and that Gryffindor-born self confidence despite his efforts to break her.

Ron the strategist never looked away... now... refusing to feel ashamed at his lack of social status that Severus had continually pointed out.

And Harry.

Harry with all the valor of a true Gryffindorian had been hurt by his hatred for Jame's son, that hurt had turned to hatred and in the end acceptance and understanding. Severus had been humbled by Harry's dismissal.

The three had grown stronger together. Had been forced to grow up faster but as always together. Ups and downs of adolescent lives dismissed as easily as Severus. There was a sense of purpose to them now. Of understanding the greater roles they would be called upon to play.

Their core of steel was submerged beneath the cares of young adults. Perhaps it was all these expectations that had caused them to become closer.

Severus laughed harshly to himself. In trying to destroy them he had allowed them to grow.

Harry Hermione and Ron continued to look at their potions master. They were bemused at the change of expression from stark pain to self-recrimination.

Severus realized it was too late. Their perceptive eyes had seen too much.

He should have known where others would not look these three would surely do so. Blindly he turned and marched into the great hall. Taking his seat at the head table on the podium he did not notice the worry in Dumbledore's eyes at the sight of his haggard face.

All through the welcoming feast Severus uncharacteristically kept his head lowered. He could feel on him the eyes of the trio now sitting at the head of the Gryffindor table, unofficially it had been designated their place. Every now and then in his peripheral vision he would see the trio bend their heads together in some deep conversation.

And the circle was complete, impenetrable, infinite.

The waves of loneliness and despair crashed into him. The walls of his heart built to resist these very waves had always stood firm. But now he felt them shudder at the foundations. If he was truthful they had been eroding since the first year that the trio had come to Hogwarts.

Severus picked up his glass of wine with shaking fingers. The alcohol did little to calm his nerves. He noticed Minerva giving him a disapproving glare for so rudely drinking during the Headmaster's speech. But he ignored it. His colleagues, he knew considered him more of a threat and viewed him with distrust and suspicion despite all the consolences of the irrefutable Dumbledore.

Severus' head felt as if it was going to split. Ignoring the startled looks of both the teachers and students he abruptly got up, the force causing his hair to scuttle back. Eyes blind he rushed between the columns of students, pushing the doors of the great hall he stumbled out.

Dumbledore ceased his speech at this uncharacteristic display of Severus. He caught the eyes of Hermione, Harry and Ron. They were asking him permission.

Perhaps it was Severus's only hope. Dumbledore sought to protect the intensely private man, but in his current state he needed others. Nodding subtly at the three he continued his speech appeasing the student body.

Severus ran as he had never before. His legs caught in cumbersome robes only to be torn away by desperately clawing fingers. His shoulder grazed as he turned a corner.

The shadows were engulfing him. Loneliness and despair swept in waves overwhelming what was left of his cardiovascular organ. He heard the cries of all those he had to sacrifice for the greater good, all those he couldn't help. The dark surrounded him now, beckoning, like a lover it promised him, freedom escape. Come to me.

Heart pounding at the thought of liberation, he raced up the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. Some snide part of him leftover from his Slytherin days gleefully wondered how famous the Astronomy Tower will be for love trysts after he was gone.

Throwing the doors open he stepped inside. The wind at this altitude was refreshingly sharp. It bit his cheeks and ears, and wrapped his cloak around him, suffocating. Without a moment's pause he stepped onto the ledge of the tower. The black of the night engulfed him till there was nothing else.

Ebony feathers falling in a midnight sky.

He knew it had always been there. The sweet allure of the infinite darkness. Deep at nights racked by insomnia it had caressed him, telling him things, promising him, welcoming him. Liberation.

For one moment Severus allowed himself what he longed for. He thought of all the good things he had done. All the good things that had been done to him. He knew he lost that right when he had become a death eater. But with the end so close at hand he allowed himself one sanction, in a life that had long since rotted away.

Then he stepped out into the embracing darkness. Felt himself falling. He felt a small guilty pleasure at the thought of a quick death when he deserved far less.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Severus lay on the cobbled floor of the Astronomy tower panting. A child's spell. That's all it took. It seemed that fate had abandoned him in the end.

Painfully against the burning of his tear glands he opened his eyes.

"Professor..." Green eyes brilliant in the sheen of the moonlight gazed at him steadily. He felt strong arms pull him into a sitting position, supporting him against broad shoulders. Hermione held out a flask, then thinking better of it cradled his head in her hand while she tipped the contents of the flask into his throat.

A calming draught. His own creation. Even he had to see the irony of that.

Human contact. He had been deprived, had deprived himself of it for so long. The simple touch of children and it reduced him to tears. Silent sobs racked his form, he curled into himself, instinctively hiding his weakness. But they did not scorn him or walk away in disgust, but surrounded him, with their warmth and presence. Satisfying the basic human need for others. They were unwinged sentinels, a circle around him, infinity and he was the core.

They helped him to his feet and stood there seraphim in the moonlight with the wind in their hair and the world at their feet. Their gaze on him was steady, no room to hide.

"Why?"

One question and he feared it. He dared not look at them in fear of what he would see but look he did. Their faces were impassive but alive. There was no judgement there just a need to understand.

"Because I had no one" His voice was crushed velvet.

He wanted to look away from them, from the inevitable scorn. But it did not come. James' son...no Harry stepped forward. His eyes were liquid emerald. He touched his arm gently, Ron too followed his blue eyes luminescent and he too touched his shoulder. Finally Hermione took his hand in hers.

"You have us."

And so it was on that night that Severus came back to life.

In the Great Hall the twinkle in Albus Dumbledore's eyes returned as he heard the sweet song of the phoenix.

It sang of beauty,

it sang of love,

it sang of life

and it sang of hope.

A/N I hope everyone enjoyed that. I definitely enjoyed writing it. Please Review I would really appreciate any comments you have.


End file.
